Old Rules vs Curious Leadership

Key Takeaways

• No leader can realistically carry the burden of having every answer; curiosity makes leadership lighter and more effective.
  
• Command-and-control leadership disengages people, while curiosity creates ownership and energy.
  
• Leaders who co-create vision with their teams build commitment and shared purpose.
  
• Curiosity is the engine that fuels adaptability and innovation in uncertain times.
  
• The future of leadership rewards curiosity, humility, and continuous learning over authority and certainty.

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No leader today can have all the answers. So the best leaders focus on asking better questions.

I learned this the hard way. For years, I thought I needed to be the know-it-all in charge. I tried to be the visionary with a perfect plan, always acting like I had everything figured out. In reality, I was just afraid to show uncertainty. That mindset nearly broke me and my business. I burned myself out trying to call all the shots, and my team’s motivation nosedived as a result. The truth is, leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about having the curiosity and courage to admit you don’t – and to invite others to help figure it out. My journey from a controlling leader to a curious one taught me that asking better questions unlocks far more value than issuing top-down answers ever could.

No leader can have all the answers anymore

In today’s environment, the old “leader as hero” model simply doesn’t work. Business moves too fast and is far too complex for any one person to see every angle. I learned this when I caught myself pretending to know things I didn’t. I used to pride myself on being the smartest person in the room, but the pace of change humbled me quickly. No matter how experienced you are, you can’t predict every twist. Markets shift overnight, new technologies emerge, and customer expectations evolve in real time. Clinging to the illusion that I should have every answer made me hesitant to ask for input – and that was a huge mistake. Once I embraced not knowing, I became more confident as a leader, not less. By openly saying “I’m not sure – what do you think?”, I tapped into my team’s collective insight. Ironically, letting go of having all the answers brought us better answers. It created space for real dialogue, smarter decisions, and a culture where we solve problems together. I now lead with the conviction that I don’t need to know it all; I need to stay curious above all.

Top-down control is killing team engagement

Authoritarian, top-down leadership might get short-term compliance, but it absolutely crushes long-term engagement. I learned this when I tried to control every decision in my company. It backfired spectacularly – my team’s enthusiasm dropped and our results suffered. When people feel dictated to, they disengage. Team members don’t respond well to a command-and-control style of leadership; they want to contribute, not just comply. In one recent Gallup survey, 29% of employees said they lack honest, open communication from leaders – they explicitly don’t want just top-down directives. I saw the same dynamic firsthand. The more I micromanaged and unilaterally imposed “my vision,” the more my talented people mentally checked out. It’s painfully simple: if you treat adults like cogs in a machine, they stop caring. On the other hand, when I started loosening my grip and actually listening, something amazing happened – my team leaned in.

They asked questions, offered ideas I hadn’t considered, and took real ownership of our success. I went from controlling to connecting, and it reignited everyone’s motivation. Top-down control was draining the life out of our workplace. Letting it go let my team’s energy return. Now I guard against any reflex to over-control, because I know engaged teams outshine controlled teams every time.

Curious leaders don’t carry the vision alone

One of the biggest leadership myths I had to unlearn was that I alone had to carry the vision. In the past, I thought being a leader meant burdening myself with the whole roadmap and then persuading others to follow it. That approach not only exhausted me, it also short-changed my company. I’ve discovered that effective leaders co-create their vision with their team. Your people want to be part of building the future, not just passengers along for the ride. When I used to dictate the vision in a vacuum, I robbed my team of ownership. They became bystanders – and as a result, some of our best ideas never saw the light of day. I vividly remember pushing forward with a “perfect plan” I’d cooked up myself, only to watch it unravel when reality changed. 

Meanwhile, team members who’d been sidelined by my one-man show were disengaged and hesitant to speak up. I had essentially silenced the very voices we needed. I’ve since flipped that script. Now I treat vision as a shared mission, a puzzle we put together collectively. I’ll lay out a clear direction, sure, but I actively invite my team to question it, improve it, and own pieces of it. In practice, that means strategy sessions where everyone contributes, and I often find my initial idea is just a starting point for something much stronger. This shift has been humbling and energizing. When you trust your people to help carry the vision, you’re rewarded with far more creativity and commitment. My team doesn’t just buy in to our vision now – they feel like authors of it. And that sense of shared purpose is incredibly powerful. We move forward together, with everyone invested in where we’re going and how we’ll get there.

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“Leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about having the curiosity and courage to admit you don’t.”

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Curiosity unlocks innovation and adaptability

Whenever someone asks how to drive more innovation or agility in their organization, my answer is simple: start with curiosity. I’ve seen firsthand that a curious team will out-innovate a complacent one every time. Why? Because curiosity triggers exploration. When people are encouraged to ask “What if…?” and “Why not…?”, they dig deeper and spot creative solutions that a command-driven culture would overlook. Research backs this up – studies show that when our curiosity is activated, we think more broadly and rationally, and we come up with more innovative ideas. In my company, the more we normalized questioning things, the faster we adapted to new challenges. I began asking questions in meetings instead of just giving instructions, and it was like flipping a switch. Suddenly problems became puzzles rather than roadblocks. For example, instead of panicking when a project hit a snag, the team got curious: Why did this happen? How else could we tackle this? 

That mindset shift spurred a fix in hours that might otherwise have taken weeks of blame and frustration. Curiosity also makes us more adaptive. In a fast-changing market, the plan you start with is rarely the one that succeeds – you have to pivot. A curious culture handles these pivots with agility because people are always learning and looking for the next approach. I experienced this during the pandemic: our team’s habit of asking questions helped us quickly retool our services and even find new opportunities amidst the chaos. Rather than cling to “how we’ve always done it,” we experimented our way forward. The result was not just survival, but innovation that put us ahead of competitors who were stuck in old thinking. The takeaway for me is clear: curiosity isn’t a “nice-to-have” in business – it’s a practical engine for innovation and resilience. Leaders who foster curiosity will see their teams generate fresh ideas, adapt to the unexpected, and continuously improve, which is a massive advantage in today’s world.

From Commanding to Curious: Key Differences

• Answers vs. Questions: A commanding leader defaults to providing answers; a curious leader starts by asking smart questions to unlock collective insight.
• Control vs. Collaboration: Old-school leadership hoards decisions at the top. Curious leadership invites collaboration and co-creation, knowing the best ideas often come from the team.
• Certainty vs. Adaptability: A traditional “always certain” leader sticks rigidly to the plan. A curious leader stays flexible and adapts, exploring new solutions when circumstances change.

The future of leadership is curious, not commanding

The writing is on the wall: the future belongs to leaders who are curious, not commanding. The old command-and-control style of leadership is rapidly becoming obsolete. Employees today simply won’t tolerate leaders who refuse to listen or learn – they’ll either disengage or leave. A 2022 survey of hundreds of business leaders and employees in Australia and New Zealand found that organizations with a curious culture enjoy higher growth, more engaged and satisfied employees, and significantly lower burnout. In other words, curiosity isn’t just a feel-good trait; it’s emerging as a serious competitive advantage. Forward-looking companies have started to figure this out. Many are shifting from the outdated model of rigid hierarchies to more flexible, question-friendly cultures. Even the military, once the poster child for command-and-control, now trains units to make decisions on the ground rather than wait for orders, because adaptability wins over strict chain-of-command in fast-moving situations. The same is true in business. 

The most resilient organizations I see are those where leaders at all levels are empowered to ask questions and experiment, rather than fearfully deferring to the boss’s supposed omniscience. Being a leader in the future will be less about issuing commands and more about cultivating curiosity in your team. It means creating an environment where challenging the status quo is safe, where “failure” is just feedback, and where learning never stops. Personally, I find this future exciting. It rewards traits like humility, openness, and continuous learning – traits that make work more human. We’re moving past the era of the know-it-all boss. The successful leader of tomorrow is the one who admits they don’t know it all, and instead relentlessly rallies their people to explore new possibilities together.

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“Curiosity isn’t a ‘nice-to-have’ in business – it’s a practical engine for innovation and resilience.”

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Curious as Hell helps leaders reject outdated leadership myths

In Curious as Hell, I pull back the curtain on how I overcame the very myths we’ve discussed. I candidly share how ditching the “leader must have all the answers” act transformed my approach to vision, strategy, and team success. Each chapter tackles a classic command-and-control leadership example from my past – moments when I clung to certainty or control – and shows how adopting a curious mindset turned those situations around. These are not theoretical lessons, but real experiences from my 25-year journey that validate a simple truth: when I started asking better questions, I got far better results. Leaders at any level will recognize their own struggles in these stories, and see how a shift toward curiosity can address the engagement, innovation, and adaptability gaps that old-school leadership left wide open.

The approach I outline is direct, practical, and battle-tested in the trenches of business. It’s about replacing outdated habits with concrete curious leadership practices that build trust and resilience. For example, I describe how implementing small rituals – from starting meetings with open-ended questions to co-creating “how might we” problem statements with my team – created a culture where everyone felt heard and invested. The book extends the ideas from this blog into actionable frameworks and daily habits. My goal is to show that any leader willing to challenge the old rules can foster the kind of workplace where people want to bring their best ideas forward. By rejecting the myths of infallibility and control, and embracing curiosity as a core strategy, we equip ourselves to lead in a way that meets the demands of today and builds a foundation for the future. The path isn’t always easy, but I’ve lived the difference it makes – and I’m passionate about helping other leaders experience the same game-changing shift.

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Common Questions About Curious Leadership

How can I move away from a command and control style of leadership?

You can shift by replacing top-down answers with curiosity-led questions that invite your team to contribute meaningfully. The goal is to create space for shared ownership rather than expecting yourself to dictate everything. This shift reduces stress and frees you from the impossible burden of always being right. Our work shows how adopting curiosity creates clarity and unlocks better results for leaders and their teams.

What is an example of command and control leadership I might recognize in my own role?

A common command and control leadership example is the boss who insists on approving every decision, no matter how small. It creates bottlenecks, frustrates employees, and leaves you overwhelmed. Breaking this pattern starts with empowering others and admitting you don’t have all the answers. We help leaders apply curiosity as a practical skill so decision-making becomes lighter and more effective.

How does curiosity help me avoid burnout as a leader?

Carrying the load of knowing everything is exhausting and unsustainable. Curiosity changes the role of the leader from “answer provider” to “question asker,” which reduces pressure while expanding your team’s problem-solving capacity. This shift builds resilience, lightens the emotional load, and prevents exhaustion. Our approach focuses on showing leaders how curiosity prevents burnout and builds long-term engagement.

What practical steps make a team more innovative through curiosity?

Start by asking questions like “What if?” and “Why not?” instead of pushing your team for immediate solutions. Encourage small rituals such as open-ended check-ins or framing challenges as possibilities. These shifts lead to faster adaptation and creative problem-solving. We work with leaders to embed curiosity into daily routines so innovation becomes a natural outcome.

Why is curiosity more effective for the future of leadership than commanding certainty?

Certainty locks leaders into outdated patterns while curiosity keeps them open and adaptable to change. Teams today want involvement, not blind instructions. Curiosity creates psychological safety, invites dialogue, and prepares organizations for constant shifts. Our work reinforces that the leaders of the future will be those who admit they don’t know everything and ask better questions instead.

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